"Respect was invented to cover up the place where love should be."
So says the bewitching, sinful and beautiful Anna Karenina. When I first read this quote on page 685 of my massive copy of the story, the insensitive, free-thinking, sometimes irrational part of me gave a hearty, mental "Amen!" Then the subdued, responsible, spite-fighting side of me said "Wait! That's not right..."
After a day to think more about it, I've decided that I agree with that debatable statement more than I disagree. Mainly because I feel that if there is love, or even a semi-signifcant like involved in a relationship of any kind, then respect should be clanking around somewhere among all those kind and endearing things that come along with the "L" word, like patience, forgiveness, etc.
Respect does always seem to be that opinion stifling, self-control using, fun-killing thing that is called into action when you happen upon someone who is genuinely unlikeable, despicable even, but who is genuinely your superior in some professional, societal or familial way. We've all heard it, "You don't have to like me, but you will respect me."
Oh yes, respect is there in our enjoyable relationships too, but we don't have to drag it into our mannerisms and conversations, prying its fingers off of door jams along the way. It's there because it wants to be there, because those people actually deserve it.
When Anna Karenina made this statement she was harboring fears that her lover was no longer under her spell and that he would leave her alone in the world as a ruined woman. Perhaps it was just a fleeting, irrational thought of a wildly jealous, fictional heroine. I see truth in it anyway.
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Love and Respect can stand alone, in the absense of the other. Often, the do go hand in hand, but they are not necessarily integral.
"I respect the President, but I don't love him."
OR
"I can't respect that person's lifestyle, but I still love her."
Respect is a willful feeling. You can control who you respect and who you don't. It's an on/off switch, meaning respect can be lost as quickly as it was gained.
Love, however, is an emotion and does not completely adhere to human will. We cannot always simply choose the objects of our "affection" so easily, and separating from that feeling can be quite difficult at times.
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